Love After Love
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
The photographs, the desperate notes,
Peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
This poem came through very differently at our New Year’s Eve gathering to those with ears to hear.
Thanking those who hear the ordinary AND the trans-ordinary depths this piece points to.
The Poetry above continues a deepening in myself. I copied it to read daily. The New Tears Eve Meditation created the opening. Thanks for all you share with such humbleness and light. VLL
“The New Tears . . . “
Just now caught the “Freudian slip” of “New Year’s” vs New “Tears”.
How wondrous the way your unconscious speaks and reveals itself! New Tears . . . clearing and cleansing . . . emptying . . .
Very much what has been a joy to witness with your unfoldment, Vonda.
Bowing to you this Morning . . .
Today I am suppose to sit with this poem and all my new tears. In the past I have always acted out the behavior of a door mat(which is probably just another segue to acting out the victim) with people. I acted out this behavior due to the fear I felt inside(infatile) which I was the unconscious instigator of. The fear was that I would lose something if I spoke up. It was situational such as people would leave, I could lose my job, crediability, respect. At his moment in a way this all feels hiralious. I also recognize this past fear is no longer there. Over the past 1 1/2 months. I have been vilgantly focused on, taking responsibility, being grounded in my heart and to the earth, and setting my boundaries. I have experienced expansion/contraction. There is a roller coaster of emotions especially at work, and I have certainly observed mine, as our hours have been cut, and more work added on. Also I have done termendous amount of work with Hooponopono which has served well. Today I allowed my ego/emotions to go over the edge and got into a verbal match with a man I work with. Of course he just mirrored to me my in-consistent emotion control(anger) of myself. I was not pleased with my behavior. It's interesting how for me having this situation with a male feels so much different than in the possible ten situations I've had with women recently. I sense this feeling is related to just practicing lifting the lid on that compressed anger that I have held toward men because of another fear(illusion) of, it's not safe to express it.
It's also interesting to see the mix of persons in our dept, who have come from various fields, moved from larger georaphicial areas related to job loss/change/losing homes and due to needing work, and accepting what is avaliable. Thanks, VLL
Had an empoering break thru with this on Sunday. will share more about it as time allows!VLL
All connected to false beliefs and fear:
What I learned from my situation recently is I am continially trying to connect with a sense of family(looking outside self for acceptance and infatile love) instead of connecting competely with my inner workings. My belief was it is not safe to speak up to family because they can hurt you(infatile belief).
I see that I have tried to connect this job as extension of my family. As I cannot revitalize my workalcholic actions from the past as we punch the clock.
Yet see the creative ways I miss my breaks unconsciously to get more done(underlying is to get approval/acceptance).
Also seeing the dymanic of speaking up for myself, as the belief I don't speak up to family as I have "no right". No option of leaving as in the past due to this is "bread and butter".
Also that I give maximun for the common good. I don't deserve anything for singular self. So from this I have lots of deeper tasks. And truth is I am exactly were I am suppose to be for being in service to my continuing of gathering wholeness.
Also with the male situation due to being family I had no right to stand-up for myself.
Self is very grateful for this understanding which I have created a wider opening into the mystery of "What Is and What can be". Life is big basket of many choices! And I am more understanding of what I truly want!VLLThis message has been edited. Last edited by: Vonda,
Isn't it so revealing when we come to that place at long last where we have some idea of what we really want. And further that we can be in a Divine Co-creation for manifestation.....I was/am astounded as I connect with this phenomenon more and more.
Amen! Dear Sister Kathleen.
I also wanted to comment on something you stated in a post to me within the past weeks. I lost were it is located, as I didn't respond at the time.
When I talked about seeing Self in radiance or some such expression in the mirror. You stated something like about watering that part as an analogy to watering and caring for the Self as the garden of life and light.
I can see, feel, that sensation as just not thought, also as feeling and geninue action.
I continue to deepen to the Self that sees thru the mirrior focusing on so-called positve aspects, instead of past behavior of the rude mind talk about so-called deficiecies percieved. Thanks, VLL
Just an add on to the above post that I now understand.
When I worked with men as a social worker. I now understand the question I always wondered about silently to myself. I now understand how shadow for me fits into these two situations. My favorite position was when I worked with Veterans. I had no difficlty in speaking up (casemanaged 80)due to professional distance. There was no emotiona/heart connection to my work. I worked in a protective vaccum. Also I was known as the Colonel per their past conditioning. I also worked from the false ego and enjoyed the power and control related to at the time called self-esteem.
The other one was when I moved to work with woman and men in general population nursing home. I would get so frustrated always dealing with females depression. I would find myself making judgement statements. All that was occurring was they were mirrioring to me what I refused to acknowledge in non recognization in me.
Yesterday I had two conversations with Tammy. The first one she called me to set the days I am to go to the time share. This has been what feels like a win-lose debate between us as is any endavor. I got a great picture of how my game works with her and how she mirriors (shadow) to me. She was very stressed and irriable on the phone with me. The underlying(malipuation) item was that she wanted me to change the days to her days off so she could join me. I find it very unpleasant being in activities other than walking due to her attitude toward me. I always do whatever tasks she requests to feel some equalness. I finally surrendered and agreed to go on the days (4), and she will be there on two of them. whew! Just proof reading sounds like to much wasted energy played out in win-lose game.
I remembered willingness to approach this situation at a higher level than continuing to solve it at the rat maze level.
One aspect of me felt like a victim, and I did the Hooponopono.
Then she called me to request I bring in the garbage cans on friday evening due to her being in Littleton until Sunday Night. I recognized I was sneaking in the victim. I found myself reacting to the frustration in her voice when I did not respond fast enough per her expectations. "I stated in a infatile aspect"What are you mad at me for now".
Very helpful to identfy the shadow aspects as I don't appreciate the pain and energy I waste. I will move any new shadow conversation to the appropriate area in the future. Thanks, VLLThis message has been edited. Last edited by: Vonda,
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