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I feel so embarrassed. I feel like I never want to show my face in circle again. I'm so afraid that might happen again. I don't ever want that to happen again and I don't ever want to be kicked out of circle. I am so insane. What the hell was I thinking?!?! Why did I do that? I don't like being sorry but I don't know what other word to use. I apologize that you all had to experience my retarded behavior. I will make sure it will NEVER happen again. If I feel it coming on I will leave and get it out of my system then come back, but never in circle again.

And to Kathleen I am so very apologetic that I behaved so disrespectfully. I am so greatful to have you in my life. I will not let that happen again. I will do my best to never let myself disrespect you, myself or others like that ever again.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mya Manohar,
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I think this was a learning/growing experience for everyone of us. I know there is much still to be integrated for me. A sincere apology is an important step in my opinion. And it could be helpful for you (and myself and probably everyone) to write down your feelings towards others, in circle especially. The mirror exercise. When you can say what another is to you (a bitch, slut, know-it-all...etc), then you can better pin point your projections and see those parts in yourself. Therefore knowing more and more about what you personally need to integrate.
 
Posts: 57 | Registered: April 17, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I have become SO much more aware of my child since this circle and how active she/he is. It sounds like shyling has too, from what I've read. So THANKYOU. When you say you are "scared " this will happen again, recognize that as your child. Integrate and learn from the experience.
 
Posts: 57 | Registered: April 17, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I agree with everything Emily has said. You have a opportunity to face your projections using the heart center to integrate and bring awareness to the different parts of self. Knowing when the child in you is getting out of control, you bring awareness, pause, heart center, shift.. You saying sorry does mean a lot. We hold you in our hearts. If you do the work, heart center, face the mirror, then I don't think you will be sacred to come back.
 
Posts: 92 | Registered: April 20, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Right now all I have projected on everyone in circle is compassion and unconditional love. I know that my projections will change and once I start feeling other projections coming on I will post what my projections are. I still think about circle and what happened and how much shame I have right now and how much embarrassment I have and sadness and how much I violated everyone the whole entire time I was there. I'm just taking one step at a time. I fell a lot of things right now. And I have to face the consequences for my actions. I do know that I have gotten to a much deeper level of love for each one of you even when there are things that annoy me about you guys. And there is a lot of sorrow in my heart. I see how out of control my child is and I'm starting to recognize how much he/she controls my life. The shame just comes up every few minutes and I let myself feel it. I'm going to get threw this. I am very sorry for all of this and to all of you.
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I've heart centered 4 times today each time for 5 minutes. I understand how important and beneficial it is for me. I've had my girls sit with me 2 of the four times. I told them that every morning b4 we do anything we are going to heart center for 5 minutes.im so grateful that I have them as support to heart center with me.
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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When I say I understand how important heart centering is I mean I truly and actually understand with my heart now. This whole time I've been going into circle understanding with my mind. I never really sat down and only heart centered. I was multitasking while heart centering. Like driving and heart centering or watching tv and heart centering. The discipline here is to sit down with my legs crossed sitting up straight and only heart centering. Also to heart center like that every single day. And having my children there helps me go deeper into my heart while heart centering. After I was done heart centering the last time with the girls I gave them a hug and said thank you for doing this with mommy. Mommy needs your help right now to do this with me and mommy is very thankful that you guys do this with me.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mya Manohar,
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Also I thought of a way I could hold myself accountable. I can post on the form after my daily meditation that I actually completed my meditation for that day. It will probably be annoying to see but that will make me more disciplined to make sure I do it everyday.
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I suspect everyone will be supportive, and not at all annoyed.
A good way to hold yourself accountable and great for us to watch what shifts and moves.
I for one totally support you in posting after your heart centering daily. And appreciate that it takes support and discipline to change habits.
We are with you.

Also feel the warmth and love that your girls can learn by being with you in this process of heart centering. Your teaching them something that can serve them for a lifetime.
 
Posts: 2786 | Location: Littleton, CO | Registered: February 08, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
The shame just comes up every few minutes and I let myself feel it.


While painful, this is useful for your healing.

I feel like it is a great idea for everyone to heart center and then post the projections, as long as it is stated from a place of the heart, and with respect. This is a great way for everyone to come into face with with projections as Emily said and as Mya has offered.
 
Posts: 2786 | Location: Littleton, CO | Registered: February 08, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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My meditation for today has been completed. My lovely Jaden was only with me today while we meditated. Jaylin was with my mom. Thank you to all.
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Meditation complete for today.
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Meditation and warrior pose complete for today.
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
I have projected on everyone in circle is compassion and unconditional love


Can you really take that in? That you are experiencing love and compassion. That all those faces are reflections of the love and compassion that lives in you?

Would be curious if your experiencing any shifts as you discipline yourself to meditation.
And a word of caution...I would not sacrifice the heart centering for the yoga pose, both will serve, however the one that will stabilize the yoga pose is the Heart Centered Meditation.

Wondering if you can also share with us your experiences of Compassion, Innate Harmony, The Healing Presence, and Unconditional Love. And if possible, Selfless Service. And how they are imbuing you?
 
Posts: 2786 | Location: Littleton, CO | Registered: February 08, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Meditation complete
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Please, I need more time to answer back Kathleen.
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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No worries, whatever and whenever you feel it is right to respond.
 
Posts: 2786 | Location: Littleton, CO | Registered: February 08, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Ok Thank you.
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Meditation complete.

I've been feeling lonely and sad. Yesterday it was getting really strong. I was thinking maybe if I go back to my old ways I'll feel better. The only thing that happened was the feeling of violent rage in me coming out of me towards everyone around me. I'm back on my path again now. But I feel because of me going back to the way I was living life has made my progression decline tremendously. It's taking significantly more concentration to heart center. I feel very unstable. I can't even have a little bit of attachment. Not even just for a sexual relationship. I have to be completely cut off in order to gain any kind of progression that will serve. And if I do decide to go back again I know that my violent rage will come back in me out of me and towards everyone including my children.

I would rather be sad and lonely than in a constant violent rage.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mya Manohar,
 
Posts: 368 | Registered: February 06, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Sad and lonely are normal human dynamics. Experiencing them will assist you in your journey.

And I would invite you revisit whatever you perceive as "progression". It isn't a linear progression of process. It is circular, review the Ego Archetype model.
 
Posts: 2786 | Location: Littleton, CO | Registered: February 08, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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