Hey guys. I wanted to stay in the loop cause it’s been a while. I missed you all last circle. Things have been busy, but I’ve been thinking about you all regardless.
I wanted to share something because it’s a big deal, shift, transition in my life right now, one amongst many things I guess, but this one I felt called to share.
After over 6 years of being completely abstinent from alcohol, about two weeks ago I drank for the first time since.
It’s something I feel totally fine about, there’s no guilt or fear or concern, which is really interesting. I made a conscious choice in a place of clarity where I just felt like it was time to release that whole story.
I haven’t had any issues or concerns around it like I said. My reason for sharing this is because it has been really interesting to watch the whole process consciously and with awareness. I’ve lived in this story of being an alcoholic addict for so long and after years of kind of unraveling the AA model in my mind I ended up here with what now feels like a sense of freedom from that paradigm.
Lately I keep seeing things as a spectrum line, it comes up a lot with the meaning of Third Wolf, it has showed up in my dreams also. The concept of being able to see the whole spectrum of a particular energy rather than focusing on just one part. In the sense of the addict/alcoholic, I’ve lived and played out both extremes, which both held a lot of resource, but now consciously I feel like it’s possible (like we’ve talked about) to move more fluidly along the line without getting caught or stuck anywhere, like being overtaken by either extreme.
I’ve just been fascinated by this process. Drinking was so anticlimactic and not dramatic at all and also not that interesting. What was interesting to me was how it almost felt comical how much power I placed in a beverage. It was like that power was released and then everything just went on like normal.
Just thought I’d share.
Great work Alexa. I know we have talked and shared a good deal about this and that you can dis-empower both the story and the experience of a liquid. This same dynamic is available on any subject, and of course you did many years work in carrying both sides.
it is indeed like many pieces of our lives, have to watch the slippery slopes and where we can get hooked. I have so many times experienced the sense of feeling like something has become more balanced in my life and then getting "hit" off guard by a deeper layer of same situation.
We can't go back to sleep. Hugs and appreciation for the depth of the work you are doing.
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