I am currently engaged in the process of letting a long time addiction and friend go. Smoking. This is my 7th day into the process and I am watching both the internal and external reflections of how my mind/body is engaged with addiction (and finding that place whree I can find more alignment with all aspects of myself/so to some degree "disengage").
It seems that this is a potent dynamic in our collective. Given that there are huge industries built up around it. Of course those we know about and don't discuss in polite society that FEED the addictions. Then there are those industries that RESCUE from addiction. All the way from gimmicks to behavior modification...from affirmations to denial...A lot of energy is generated in our collective around this particular dance. And we all know that we have addictions now.
So given all of that I would invite you to join me here in exploring what your "BELIEFS" are around addiction.
Thoughts to ponder and share.
Blessings,
Kathleen

Eckhart Tolle in his book the "Power of Now" tells us that:
"Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to--you are using something or someone to cover up your pain. This is why after the initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in the intimate relationships."
Which brings me to a realization of how we/I greet pain. Going to the realization that the "physical pain" was a 72 hour process in the body. At which point the Body is done, with nicotine, tobacco and the "NEED" for those chemicals. The REAL ongoing process is related to the experience of psychological addiction. This is something that has been working me for some time. The addiction to emotions. Addiction to intensity. Some strange dual relationship between desire for intensity to experience LIfe...and a need to supress the pain of it. What I keep bumping into here is a fear and denial of wholeness as a possibility. Some Ego need to keep things in an object/subject reality. Which would exclude wholeness or any real unity consciousness...Spirit...married to Soul. Union of Eros and Logos...and on and on...some need in my own patterning to maintain an objectification of Self.
Still working with the process and now on the 11th day. Going into an intense "cleansing" this weekend with a group and being confronted with looking closely at other addictions...caffine...sugar...This will either wipe me out! Or make a clean slate of this being....Petitioning for Grace.
In the Wave,
Kathleen

I have been ‘dancing’ with various addictions for years, from smoking [in my early teens], to food [minor addiction], to work, sex and relationship addictions [not so minor], etc. Through research, study and personal experience it is my sense that once we become disconnected from our identification as Spirit/Being/Consciousness [that includes almost all of us living on this planet in Kali Yuga], we are automatically in deep distress and terror [we no longer experience our natural connection with the Mother/Universe] and we do all sorts of stuff to try and regain this connection or an imitation of this connection. Most of what we try to do to regain this connection has the flavor of addiction to it. In my view, all addictions are basically a spiritual crisis AND we are all addicted to something until we are not.

Ann Wilson-Schaef has written some wonderful stuff on the addictive process, characteristics of an addict, and extremely fascinating stuff about how systems and cultures can be ‘addicts’ and addictive. She identifies our primary culture as the ‘White Man’s System’ and gives a pretty good argument for how our culture is an addictive culture and exhibits many characteristics of an addict.

Over time it has been my personal experience and observation that ALL addictions are a natural means of covering up the phenomenal pain and discomfort that we all feel, most of the time, from being disconnected from our essential Selves. Now, all of us aren’t aware of feeling deep distress, pain and discomfort most of the time. That’s because the ego-mind mechanism is very complex and very tricky and from a very early age [when we were all deeply wounded and taught to disconnect from our essential Selves] it has created a ‘fictional’ story that we identify with most of the time, that more or less, does not allow us to directly experience how painful we feel most of the time. In most places in our lives [family, place of employment, etc], most of the time [and I am being generous…my sense is that for most people it is none of the time] none of us feel safe enough or have the sacred space to actually go into our deep core wounding that is covering up our essential Selves. At some point, in everyone’s evolutionary journey, it is absolutely necessary to do this journey and to systematically reclaim our essential innocent power, glory and present connection with Life itself. This deep connection is already there and underlying everything all the time and is just waiting for us to claim our inheritance.

Now, most of us in this culture tend to consider addictive behavior from a very superficial and gross perspective. We tend to think that someone who has a ‘compulsion’ to smoke, or drink alcohol, or take certain recreational drugs, etc is an addict, etc. I am going to propose that this is an extremely unconscious and superficial perspective on addiction. I am going to propose that we are ALL heavily addicted and on some level hopelessly lost in that addiction. If you will entertain the idea that, what in essence we really are, are Spiritual Beings that have an identity outside of the realm of time and space, where our essential Being is primarily identified with and as a timeless, spaceless, Intelligent, Loving field of Consciousness that is not amourphous or impersonal but has individual form, as paradoxical as this may sound. Now, the natural characteristic of this Being of Consciousness is to be completely present-oriented, meaning that it does not experientially recognize the substantial reality of a past, passing present or future. These, it recognizes as concepts in the gross mental realm and can certainly embrace and make use of them on the gross surface levels of life to plan, to get things done over time, etc.

For example, most of us are heavily addicted to safety and security issues that take many forms. We are deeply addicted to a firm belief and sense of ego-mind identity and life that gives us the experience of ‘primarily’ being a separate individual. This is perhaps the deepest addiction we have and is the core and cause of all other addictions. If you have any doubt about this, just think [or better yet, feel] of the distress we would all feel if our safety and security needs are not meet on a continuing basis [or even for a relatively short period], for example, if we lose our jobs and are unable to work and take care of ourselves, if we lose our partners [who we generally project our opposite-gender parent onto], etc. This ego-mind identity is basically a ‘fictitous’ mental creation and dissolves along with the body at the time of physical death. Somewhere deep within its own structure it knows this reality [the reality that it is indeed mortal] and this reality puts it in a state of continual terror and deep dis-ease. The structures that the ego-mind builds up over a lifetime are an attempt to cover up, forget, deny this reality of mortality. Because it is heavily invested in never seeing the reality of its own mortality, it is heavily ‘addicted’ to these structures that it builds up. These structures are things like our relationships, our careers, our homes, our material possessions, etc. I’m not saying that these structures are inherently bad, etc [they are not, they can add great beauty and jot to life]…all I am saying is that the ego-mind desperately uses them to never see the truth about its own inherent condition. This creates an addictive relationship with them, meaning if any of these structures are threatened in any way it creates deep distress and a desperate act on the part of the ego-mind to immediately replace them.

Now, this may sound distressing and somewhat hopeless at first glance but it also points to the possibility that any and all addictions [and again we are all addicted] can basically be used as a potential doorway into the experience and knowingness of our essential Selves. By authentically inquiring [a mixture of a deep honest feeling experience into our present moment truth along with a good healthy dose of intellectual understanding and knowingness] into our moment to moment honest felt-experience and being willing to tell the truth about what we find, a process of deep opening up occurs. This is an opening up to a much deeper level of our authentic individuality where we find a very innocent, delightful connection with Life itself, a level which transcends and simultaneously burns all addictions and addictive tendencies.

Wow Brian,
This is comprehensive. Much of what you have said has reflected my experience also. And I cannot help wonder if we are getting "caught" in the additction to define addiction and if we are looking for a way to covertly cover up some primal desires that are alive and well in the collective unconscious.
Right now I am so in the thros of the addiction conversation from an experiential perspective, that the intellectualization is a little overwhelming. I am engaged in a 10 day detoxification program that is eliminating, smoking (of course as I already stated), caffine, and sugar...now this is leaving little of my normal stimulants, and I am being taken to a much more subtle realm of feeling and being. Which I think may be a dyanmic that you were pointing to around additcions....the
simple art of and act of BEING is virtually lost in our culture and I am a product and a participant in this culture. So I am being "asked" through this program to simple abstain from MOST ALL forms of food, and "satisfying" behavior that I have learned to live with to "get me pumped up" and going. It is a matter of finding another place in my being that can simply and authentically greet the day, moment etc. It is a fascinating process...one that is taking me deep into myself and the sense of Self (capital intentional)....I know for myself without the intense work of looking at all external dynamics as reflections of myself...I may not be able to do this program and complete it successfully....which so far (5 days into it), doing pretty well...based on other resources to feed myself.
I personally am not a proponent of the we are only Spirit world. And I can see where many derive much comfort from that. I believe we are most challanged in our capacity to fully incarnate...and that has been my personal experience. WE are embodied...we are not dis-embodied entities floating about...we have bodies, which I believe are divine and when we can fully and consciuosly inhabit the bodies we are given we know the truth of sacrifice and suffering...we can then be freed from the torture of it.
Until then we can not fully incarnate and begin to live Heaven on Earth...or spirit with matter...that seems to be at the core of the process for me right now anyway.
Enjoying the dialogue
Blessings,
Kathleen

To clarify, I am not a proponent of the ‘we are only Spirit world’ either, despite the possible flavor of that in my last post. I have seen many use that ‘concept’ as a convenient and useful means of avoiding the necessary ‘work’ that needs to take place to actually integrate spirit with matter, spirit with body. I have used this ‘concept’ myself for many years until Life pushed me face down into my own human, embodied sh..t! : -) I am actually a proponent of the full and deep ‘integration’ of Spirit/Consciousness/Being into physical embodiment…not as a ‘concept’ but as a moment to moment, and eventually, permanent ‘experiential’ reality. In which ALL aspects of physical embodiment are seen and viscerally/deeply experienced to be nothing but Spirit/Consciousness/Being manifesting itself perfectly in all aspects of the human experience. Where Spirit/Consciousness/being is seen and experienced to be ‘in’ and ‘of’ every single particle of the physical and ‘in’ and ‘of’ every single event that takes place in manifest creation. Actually, how could it be otherwise. Who would we think is running the place anyway…us.. Hence, the need for deep, ongoing, conscious work to bring ALL of our darkness and shadows [and darkness and shadow is only that which is NOT in the light] into conscious awareness and to own it ALL as part of the human experience, in which we ultimately find that the ultimate human experience and the ultimate divine experience are not different, not two, but the same…..also reiterating the deep value of doing addiction work on ourselves whenever and wherever it is found….Brian

This dialogue is so great, a lot of things rolling around for me. Mostly right now in the middle of the quit smoking (20 days now), and the detox which is very intense that I am in right now. I only know for sure that a great deal of UN-NUMBING is present. I have had so many moments where I wanted to go back to the addictions and the stimulants that I have used for years to keep me from feeling so deeply. To keep the deep pain away...without cigarettes, coffee, sugar, white flour, and dairy products for 8 days now...and the feelings and emotions are rushing in at record speed...what I am noticing however that keeps me going, is the excitment about what is on the other side of all of this...what is available with FULL FEELING Functions. And full availability. And feeling a little stronger each wave I ride. It is an amazing process, and at times VERY difficult...to completely change my lifestyle and Find ME! A Me that I realize was pretty toxic....and the amazing part of that was that before I even began this program, I was "socially" acceptable with my addictions. None-the -less toxic. What a process. Yes, shadow, and because of all the "work" I have done over the past 10 years, with some amazing teachers, I am resourced to move through this. I believe that is a huge missing in our culture and a very good reason we cannot actually "move throug" and addresss the truths of addiction. It must go very deep to resource one to face such shadows and truths without collapsing...without the background, I believe I would be collapsing under the process of this clearing.
Thanks, for your input Brian, it is great to know that we are connecting on a subject that is clearly important and particularly to us at this moment.
Blessings,
Kathleen

Kathleen, you’re doing such phenomenal work…and it’s beautiful that you point out the deep curiosity and excitement at what is to be discovered ‘on the other side of all of this’. I have noticed, in myself, that at one stage of my journey into the exploration of my shadow/darkness, ‘I’ [the small ego-mind sense of self or the ‘me’] was terrified to go anywhere near that arena that existed inside of me. I was so terrified in fact that I was unaware of the terror itself, it was sooooo covered over by an extreme deadening numbness as well as backed up by multiple defense mechanisms [I refer to these affectionately as my ‘battalion of tanks’ - that were always standing at the ready to rush in at the sign of any external or internal attack to my precious sense of self : -)]. I moved through life with an inner sense of constant inner agony, distress and discomfort engaging in my gross and subtle forms of addictive behavior. Over time [a long time : -)] and with a seemingly tortuously slow [in the time/space experience of the ego-mind] sense of progress, I slowly ‘crawled’ out of the mud [that was the experience – like crawling out of a deep dark mud] until I could begin to have more of a sense of light around it all. Incremental progress…a step, a crawl at a time. As I did my work [more or less unconscious at first and then slowly taking on a flavor of being more and more conscious] and more light was entering, for a long time I was still terrified and avoidant of my inner shadow/darkness, and in truth , all I really wanted to do was still run and avoid it all [in fact, as I began to become more conscious and aware, I became more aware of how afraid and uncomfortable I really was feeling and I often would wonder if this was a useful and good process to do]. But I couldn’t…a process had started, that was really beyond the control of the ego-mind, of an awakening inside of me..a relentless, ruthless, divine soul process of systematically investigating and inquiring into the truth of what was/is inside, the truth of what actually is my experience on a moment to moment basis…this ruthless process actively, purposefully, and systematically ‘seeks’ out everything that is not in the light..until there is nothing left that is not in the light.

Now, for a long time, I was absolutely terrified of this process that was occurring to me and yet it was beyond my control..so I would have to surrender as much as I could in the moment OR engage in more addictive behavior to self-medicate. At one point there was a major shift in my [the ego-mind ‘me] relationship with this process that was occurring in which in stead of being terrified of it, I began to have a huge curiosity and actual delight and fascination in this uncovering process. At that point, I ‘actively’ and ‘proactively’ and purposefully began ‘seeking’, entering into life situations which would directly ‘trigger’ my darkness and my shadows….it became a delight to swim in the shadows and the darkness [and that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t still a lot of fear and terror felt simultaneously along with the delight – there most definitely was and is], just out of a natural sense of curiosity and a sense of uncovering what was underneath it all…and what is underneath it all is who we/I are in essence…our truth lies underneath it all. [our true essence also exists in the darkness and shadow..but that seems harder to see for a while].

Yes, and this type of deep shadow work is generally NOT supported in our culture on this planet at this time and those who are doing it are pioneers for future [a not so distant future] models of process-living. The planet is in the time of Kali-Yuga…this is a period in manifestation in which the knowledge of and the lived experience of the full value of Consciousness and our full connection with it as human beings is completely lost and what is lived are generally very surface, material values of life. The depths of life are generally not known and lived and the main focus and sense of reality is on the surface, material [physical] level of life. In this time of Kali Yuga, the impulses of negativity rule on the face of the earth. Consciousness is fullness it self, and therefore contains everything with in it and that means it contains all positivity and all negativity within it..in fact for life to exist and evolve all impulses of life are necessary, creation [generally seen as positive], destruction [generally seen as negative] and maintenance [generally seen as neutral]. In Kali Yuga the impulses of negativity, the laws of nature which are responsible for the destructive aspects of Life generally rule the planet [in mythology these are generally referred to as ‘demons’ : -) ]. Generally, most people on this planet right now are trapped in deep unconsciousness and the culture reflects this. Moving in the direction of ‘waking up’, of becoming more conscious, is not supported by the ruling impulses on this planet right now. In fact, they actively work on keeping the people asleep and unconscious. So, it is very courageous and pioneering work to actively do conscious work on ourselves, etc.

Thank you so much Brian. It is always heplful to have some support and appreciation. I am now in my 26 day of no cigs. Second week of no Caffene and sugar. These have been my primary drugs. And experiencing more appreciation for life without numbness.
I liked your way of framing the time of Kali-yuga...perhaps we should put some of these ideas under the heading of Kali Puga's. I was doing some research and begining to forumlate some ideas as to why someone should be at all interested in doing Puga and celebration of Kali. I think you would have a great deal to contribute to that.
Your experiences have taken you into the darkness and I believe only those who have been taken into the darkness and have found their way back to the living can fully speak to the hope and promise devotion to SHE who devours the darkness.
Off to a retreat for a few days and I am so grateful you have joined us on this forum. And keeping this dialogue alive and well. Will write more when I get another break in time...this past two weeks have truly been about altering almost everything I have known as my lifestyle and coming into a true Awakening of new life.
Blessings,
Kathleen

Just recognizing, how in certian circles, the leaving behind of some of the substances I have left behind, seperates me from those who are still engaged. And this is particularly related to food. I am so tuned into how food that is not conducive to health and appropriate weight is a such a part of our social fabric. Then we begin to touch into how obesity is a national concern at this point. This past weekend venturing out into the world in a new way and beginning to explore myself and my relationship to the world at large with food. AMazing, found myself sliding into patterns of "wanting" what another part of me didn't want...rationalizing what would be OK. And overall seeing what was available and how to navigate the choices. As always it is a choice. What an amazing experience of seeing my own commitment to caring for myself, and not allowing that part of me that says , it will be ok, no problem..
Did much better without cigarettes than I believed I would...feeling good with that one, Not so great on the sugar (a few slips, and I could really feel them), Good without coffee.
So all in all becoming more and moreconscious of the process that takes me into addictions and how I can find resource to take care of my body. So much of this is related to being out of the body for most people I think. They are not bodyful...more mindful and that allows for a disconnect in the body.
So much here.
Blessings,
Kathleen

Some thoughts on Kali…Yes, the beautiful Kali, the dark form of Mother, the one who devours, is terrifying for most people but only when they don’t really have a sophisticated understanding of what she represents and what she is doing….most of the time we have a ‘childish’ fear of the destructive aspect of Mother Kali due to our deep identification with the body-mind mechanism that we have incarnated into. We see the external image of Kali [which from the surface – without full understanding of who she is is truly terrifying] and picture only perhaps a female ‘demon’ of sorts that is here to kill us, to lop off our heads, etc. From this perspective we would naturally be afraid and uncomfortable. Also, perhaps most of us unconsciously ‘project’ our own destructive and brutal energies onto the form and image of Kali. She carries our destructive and demonic projections. So, no wonder she is deeply mis-understood and feared. : -)

With full understanding of who she actually is and what she represents comes deep love and devotion to her grace and beauty. We are not just the ego-mind-body mechanism in which most of us are primarily identified with. We are so much more than this and through an illusionary spell we have ignorantly taken ourselves to be this small incarnation. Kali is here to remove this ignorance, she is here to cut asunder, to cut to pieces the primary identification with the ego-mind-body mechanism. Now, understand I did not say to cut asunder, to cut to pieces the actual ego-mind, but only to sever the mistaken primary identification with this part of ourselves that we have taken to be the whole. And, yes, to the ego-mind mechanism this does feel like ‘death’…and in a sense , it really is…so it has a great dread, a great fear of anything authentically Kali. For deep authentic awakening we have to go through progressive ‘deaths’, until we go through the ultimate ‘death’ experience and wake up to ourselves. Kali is the one that ultimately orchestrates and ‘encourages’ that ‘dying to the small self’. And the form, the mythology, etc of Kali is just representing a real aspect of the Universe, of Life that is always stalking us, and always pushing us to drop our identification with the smallness of the ego-mind and to 'fall' into our inherent unboundedness and grace.

Lately, I have been engaging in IFS therapy – Internal Family Systems therapy..this mode of therapy basically posits that the ego-mind configuration consists of multiple parts and each part has its own particular personality, feeling reality and job to do. The multiple parts are various ages and are in varying levels of health and/or woundedness, etc. Some of the parts are conscious and active and others are unconscious and literally buried. These parts have categorical names, depending upon what they do or what their job is, such as Managers, Exiles, Firefighters, etc. Firefighters generally are the parts that carry and act out addictive behavior. This is their ‘job’ and they do it for a very specific reason..genrally to protect the Exiles from feeling how much deep pain they are in. Exiles are those parts of us that have been so wounded and so crushed [at very early ages] that we have literally exiled them away to long forgotten, deeply hidden areas of our mental environment. They have not gone away or been resolved ,, they have literally been exiled to another land…so most of the time, most of us are not aware of them and certainly not aware of how much incredible pain they are in. These exiles can hold and represent all sorts of our inherent, natural power such as creativity, love, deep spontaneous connection with life, joy, fun, etc. The Firefighters engage in various ‘addcitive’ behaviors [and remember we are ALL addicted to something] in order to act as a distraction from the pain of the Exiles, which is continual and intense until looked at and resolved. Here in may ly part of the challenge with ridding our selves of addictions and addictive behavior..the addictions are actually very useful and serving us in a very real way..we have hired the Firefighter to engage in a particular addcitive behavior in order to distract us away from the pain of the Exiles..so we can try and try to stop the addictive behavior AND part of us has actually hired the Firefighter to do the addictive behavior..and probably without at some point directly dealing with the pain adn woundedness of all the Exiles in us we will just continue to seek new addictive behavior to cover up the pain. Has been a useful model and process for me.

Wow Brian, just reread your posts. I still believe you would be a MAJOR contribution to the posts regarding Kali and to the Kali Puga's. Also very interested in the IFS therapy you have been doing. It sounds so much like the training I have engaged with Brugh and Maria Elena. All based of course in Jungian Depth Psychology. That being that there are many aspects (internal Family), that will do whatever they need to do to protect a particular aspect of self that may be truly in jeapordy around some particular pain. The aspect that then takes on the protection, may use the addictive behavior to keep the pain at bay until such a time as we can deal with the pain. I am noticing that particularly now that the intense time of "desire" has passed and all is really related behavior and patterned behavior. I have noticed that I will eat even in a crowd of people to console those parts of me that feel so alone. So unseen and unavailable to the people around me. These sound like the 'exiles" you speak of they have been exiled and are not socialized and comfortable in most group situations, therefore they have found that they can distract themselves from the moment by "eating", "smoking" "drinking"...I have been very interested in what I do with my hands now that I am not smoking. It is fascinating to see how they are seeking something familiar. This past week while facililtating a circle in Orlando, I had a complete breakdown day with sugar...it was completely related to the ones who believe they deserve a reward for work done. Fascinating how they believe the reward is in the object that goes into my mouth...now I know at a deep psyche level this is completely sexually related. Interesting how it manifests to keep me socially correct. So the sugar binge was serving something, socialization...Yet, what is the cost in the service? This seems to me whre the consciousness is most important, not a rigid positioning on one side or the other...didn't even find that necessary around smoking interestingly enough, which tells me it may have completely let me go, And how do we hold the consciousness without making anything wrong..recognizing it's value and seeking it's release. This is a potential dialogue for the entire human race. Thanks for haning in with me. Hopefully someone else will join us in the dialogue.
Blessings,
Kathleen
and take a look at the Kali PUga postings and see what you can contribute there....( a lot )

I have gotten really interested in how to approach another paridigm around pain in our culture...instinct has us turn quickly and completely away from pain. And of course that serves to keep us alive and walking around....and where then does that instinct become a danger to us? Just exploring the possibilities of how to deal with pain other than the "all american way".

Yes..interesting area...and intimately related to addiction [without pain, no addictions, with pain, addictions]...…since I was very young I have been in a lot of pain [internal pain] and have been keenly aware of it as well as being keenly aware of how our current culture views and treats internal pain. And, as a man I have been especially tuned into it since men are never supposed to feel their pain or at least not show it. Women actually do have more permission to go into and process their pain in this culture but for a man it is almost forbidden. For a women to be found openly weeping at her work desk is perhaps seen as a cause for a gentle discussion at best [at worst it would be ignored as something ‘female’] but for a man to be found weeping openly at their work desk necessitates a quick call to the local mental health ward [locked??]. : -)

At a very early age most people psychologically and physiologically learn [this ‘learning’ process has been passed on from generation to generation] to ‘gate’ [neurologically ‘gate’] the deep distress and pain and wounding that occurs to us in this culture. The body/mind actually chemically ‘gates’ the pain out of our conscious awareness so that we can go on and function in this dysfunctional, insane culture that pretty much denies the existence of Life/God. The pain and the wounding doesn’t actually go away though, it just gets buried, repressed, and stuffed. This progressively takes up more and more energy and attention. Therefore, by the time we are very young we are more or less ‘walking dead’. Now we don’t know this or perhaps experience this clearly because the whole culture deeply and actively supports this ‘numbing’ out process to such an extent that we all consider it ‘normal’ and don’t notice it. Plus the whole culture at this point is organized and focused around maintaining this numbing out process: our education, our economy…etc is all about remaining numbed out and unconscious to who and what we really are.

I had/have never been able to fully, successfully ‘gate’ away the internal pain that exists in me and therefore I have always been more or less with it. [In other words, I was a failure at gating and for a long, long time I felt this as a deep failure. Now I see it as a blessing.] And, although, this has been extremely uncomfortable it has also been a blessing as it has led me on a life path of going into it, exploring it, inquiring into it. It has led me on a life journey of having to heal myself and has revealed much wisdom and many gems, especially in terms of seeing how we get wounded out of our essential selves, what flavor the wounds take [what the wounds look like], and what processes allow restoration of our natural essential Self experience [wound-free].

It has helped me recently to make a distinction between [what I have come to see as and call] the European White Man’s Culture [EWMC] and the Shamanic Culture [SC]. The worldview of the EWMC is that there is no Life/God. That things are nothing but physical and material, that there is no real depth, that the Universe is a ‘machine’, an automaton. It views Nature as the enemy and something to be ‘conquered’. It is completely dis-connected from the Source. It does not recognize as legitimate [or even real] anything below the level of the physical surface and therefore disregards things like love and feelings, etc. Its main focus is on production and consumption and this is deeply reflected in the current economic model that we have embraced.

It is an out of control feeding machine and it is goobling up everything in its path. I had the thought a while back that the disease of cancer is a perfect metaphorical disease process for this current worldview which is dominating the world. Cancer is an out of control [totally disconnected from the wholeness and Intelligence and functioning of the rest of body], unchecked, cellular growth process and continues to grow until the host is consumed. In fact, it seems to be completely unaware that there even is a host body that it exists in. Hence, it continues to grow and grow [unchecked continual progress] until the host does die and takes the cancer with it. Similarly, the EWMC worldview seems to be completely oblivious and unaware that it exists in a host environment of Life, a planet and Universe that is vital for its survival. It is promoting unchecked abandoned growth [economic..] [e.g. the American ‘lifestyle’] and left unhindered will consume its host. In this case, the host being the Earth/Universe will eventually consume it, or allow it to be destroyed if it does not transform.

This may have seemed to be a diversion from the original discussion of ‘pain’ but I am going to suggest that the ONLY way the EWMC can continue to exist is to avoid its accumulated pain at all costs. Therefore, the MO of the EWMC is to avoid ‘pain’, ‘discomfort’, etc at all costs. It does this firstly by maintaining the principle that it is harmful or bad to feel or go into pain and secondly it distracts our awareness in multiple ways [addictions of all sorts, etc] in order to keep us away from our inherent deep inner silence [which naturally brings up all the pain that is unprocessed.]

This repressed, buried pain and wounding is the very structure of the ego-mind. It IS the basis of our experience as an isolated, separate individual, that is disconnected from the rest of the Universe. Hence the deep inherent emptiness that most people feel. The core structure of our ego-mind [or who we think ourselves to be] is a primary deep wound in Consciousness that experientially shows up as a fundamental deficient emptiness. This is Pain incarnate.

It is a fundamental shift in evolution when one consciously and purposefully makes the move into this body of pain as opposed to moving away from it. This really does represent a major shift and is a move completely anthetical to the structure and experience of the ego-mind sense of self. And since the current world culture is based upon the current ego-mind sense of self, this shift, this radical move, does NOT get a lot of support. In fact, you will probably be seen to be a ‘little crazy’..and in terms of the current worldview , you actually would be.


To ‘go into’ the ‘pain’ is to go in the direction of more awareness, more consciousness, more wholeness, and therefore to move in the direction of Life/GOD. It is also the direction of more ‘personal power’.

When you begin to make this shift it can be quite terrifying. We are so used to placing all our attention maintaining our identity, and the structures in our life that foster our identities [jobs, relationships, possessions, etc]. We have spent years [decades] investing in our current identity infrastructures [external as well as internal] and, for the most part, this investing process and infrastructure-building process is totally based on NOT going into our inherent pain. In fact, many times, the actual infrastructures that are in place in our lives [our relationships, our careers, our sense of self] have been built for the sole purpose of not feeling our pain [e,g Im worthless unless..I have this…or I do that…etc]. So…when there is this radical shift in the other direction, when we begin to not only embrace our inherent pain, but actually seek it out, then the terror arises of the possibility of losing our external and internal identity infrastructures. AND, this can and does happen [because all these structures have been built upon an old paradigm and when the new paradigm begins to enter old structures can dissolve] AND it does not have to.

In the Shamanic Culture [SC] [this is what I started calling it- it may change] emphasis is placed on authentic connection with Life, Source, the totality of the Universe, Truth [both relative and absolute], Power [real power, not power over]. Importance is placed on the inner journey to regain our experience of authentic soul. It is understood that this journey is real, it is authentic and it is immensely challenging and difficult. More and more, emphasis and importance begins to be placed on internal accomplishments, although never negating or pushing away the external. It is recognized that ALL experiences are part of the Totality of the Universe and are directing our evolution so every experience is honored and used to its fullest value. Our sense of identity [who we feel ourselves to be] begins to be linked less and less with external forms and more and more with the inner experience of depth, silence and connection with Life in the moment to moment unfolding of the Universe. We begin to live more simply, more frugally [and this doesn’t mean we cant have things that we enjoy and cherish, its more an internal frame of reference] and yet we simultaneously begin to feel hugely abundant and taken care of by the Universal Mother.

In this emerging paradigm, pain [internal or external] is seen to be a ‘message’ of disconnection, of woundedness, of being out of balance with the rest of the Universe [either we are currently out of balance or it is remnants of being out of balance in the past]. In this light pain is seen as a blessing, as information that can move us closer and closer to our true home.

Huge and continual support is needed when one begins to make this shift…

I believe it would be wonderful for all to have this support. Hence one of my reasons for beginning this website and opening this community hopefully to grow in a way that will support those of us attempting to awaken. I do however feel that the depth of any of our work is done alone.
We will make the choice to see the world in a paridigm of what is wrong, and spend our energy resources there...or in a paridigm of what is right and how am I to find "myself" in this world therefore giving our energy and life force to what is going to ultimately serve. I have felt much of the anger you express toward the consumerism, and toward the current political structures (although they seem to have been "off" most of my life), and have found that when I look instead at this anger as first, a divine energetic, and then look to see what I am projecting out into the world that is a part of my own inner world, that is perhaps discarded, I see the work.
I fundamentally agree with what you have offered. I do wonder however if the energy involved in the anger at the White Mans Culture is going to serve you best as a potential projection to work with and bring even more freedom from the fear, terror and pain. It is there for all of us. I believe at one level pain is simply a condition of being Human. I can engage "story" as to who created the pain and why I am in it, or I can simply accept the suchness of pain being a part of my Humanity, and since I am embodied...it will be...how then can I transform it into a servicable dynamic. And give up my own childish expectations that it will go away...I doubt that it ever fully will. My energy seems more and more to move toward becoming conscious of the pain, the projections and the divinity of IT ALL! What then is divine about consumerism? What then is divine about the current political structure and what then is divine about my pain? When I move in that direction, I feel as if I am aligining with something that carries a vibration that can lift me up and hold me, with or without the support of our current culture.
Incidentally, I don't fully agree with your perception of the acceptance of women's pain in our culture...just because it has taken on a covert devaluing of women..would not imply that it is accepted. I agree also that it is, while not any less acceptable, perhaps more reaction is present (when a man is crying in public), because it cannot be simply discounted to the "Pms or some other feminine insanity". Which is anything but acceptance..it is covert diminishment. If I were sitting at a desk in the workplace crying for example, It would not be acceptable...I have been in many workplaces and never have I seen that as acceptable from men or women. Again here I have to ask the 'painful" question..."what is right about that?". Surely my ego believes nothing is...and it is...so at some level it is in service to some part of our collective dynamics.
For me the pain is much more related to the process of bringing back as much projection as I can, and allowing the darker aspects of myself to be so. To greet them without having to make them different, to be other than they are. It is extremely painful to own aspects of myself that are in diametric opposition to the Mother archtype (for example)however, they are there, and have lived in conflict internally for a good long time and have wrought much destruction, this is not related to anything outside myself it is fully a part of ME. Me is where the pain resides, Me is where the pain begins and how I can best come to peace with it. This is my only possibility of not being victimized by any system.
Yes, we could all find ways we would see a better world. Yes, I can see in a flash what I believe "should" be different. And it is, as it is. Acceptance of this is the greatest possibility.
I have been in the presence of Shamans, in indiginous environments, and witnessed, their pain of being HUMAN. I have experienced the absolute wonder of the shamanic field of healing. I have not seen however that it is free from pain. To believe that God/Life would be free of pain is to completely disembody. That would be a life of spirit, A psychic split existence, and that would not concide with a Shamanic Field that I have ever experienced. This seems to be the great debate of this world.
There is a great book, I believe you would enjoy it is called "The Field", it speaks to many things that are being discovered in the White culture that you speak about. Science may catch up with mysticism after all. And then they will probably find what mystics have known for many years. It is a Great Mystery that defies, being put into categories and desctiptions, it is an every changing phenomenon that cannot be contained in any one ego dynamic, and yet as a collective that is exactly what we are attempting to do...fascinating to witness.
Gotta get to work now, I so enjoy our conversation.
Blessings,
Kathleen

Would the EWC distinct from the SC be something akin to Newtowian physics disctinctfrom modern physics. Again I reccommend the book "the Field" deals with exactly what you are addressings and in a way that deepens the awareness of where WE ALL ARE!
IN re-reading this dialogue, I have to ask, if you have explored deeply the dynamics of the Heart Center, that place which can accept all and discount nothing??? Just curious as to your relationship with that? No right or wrong, just very curious, where are we all in our journey's?

Katheen, sorry for the long silence. After my last post I became painfully aware [with the help of a wonderful female friend of mine] of a ‘pontificator’ ego-mind part and/or being that had been existing in me and acting through me since I was very young. I have always had a very spontaneous and deep interest and attraction to these arenas and have always been articulate and able to discuss this topics fairly freely AND there has been a pompous, arrogant ‘pontificator’ part/being in me that can ‘use’ these discussions to disallow myself from being with my pain, with my shadow, with my deep abyss. I became painfully and clearly aware of this part of me that has been acting through me so I have taken a break to investigate, dialogue with this ‘pontificator’ part AND to allow myself to hang out with the pain that was being avoided. Has been a useful and very painful discovery. And, by the way, this has been one of my ‘addictions’ as well. Being a pompous, arrogant pontificator. Hard to give up :-(

I also enjoy these conversations and find them useful. I do agree that essentially, even with huge support, we all end up having to do the work alone, just as we all die [take that last breath] alone, despite hopefully being surrounded by our loved ones. And, despite having anger and distress at what I have called the White Man’s Culture, I also believe that all that is not ultimately completely embraced in non-resistance and full acceptance is an unowned projection. I have found it useful to begin to ‘see’ more of what is around me and to become aware of the harm to life [and to the feminine as well as the masculine] that may be occurring from a certain culturalized [WMC] approach to life. It has also been useful for me because as a white man myself, I have tended to be blind to the paradigm that directly and indirectly benefits me so much and harms so many others. It is so true that the ruling paradigmatic platform does not / can not see it self [the eye can see everything else, except itself.] So as a white man in a WMC it has been useful and painful to look inside myself and see [and embrace] the ‘projection’ externally wrecking havoc on the world.

Now, from another perspective [and these are all just different perspectives on life – all equal, all true, all right, all wrong] GOD, spirit, the Grand Intelligence can be seen to be experimenting, can be seen to be manifesting on this planet right now an energy and experience of great disconnection from Source, a great disconnection from Mother…these aspects also exist in GOD, since GOD is fullness or wholeness, which includes everything..all positive [polarity] and all negative [polarity]. Particularly during Kali Yuga, these are the qualities [the negative – or life-disconnecting] that are brought into manifestation, made real. Perhaps they are done so, to give us all an opportunity to deeply embrace in a loving, non-resistant, totally accepting manner that which inherently seems so unembracable. Anyway, this perspective [and experiential practice] has helped me more and more, be with, investigate, embrace, understand…a variety of seemingly diametrically opposed world-views.

If that is what you are referring to as the process of the Heart Center then, yes, I believe, that I do have some experiential process